Queen of the Wolves

King of the Birds

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I remember...
They are the definition of love. Of the perfect life. They are unconditional and beautiful in every single way. They give you hope and belief that love does exist. They give you hope and belief that a happy life exists...and they are my grandparents. They mean the world to me and so much more. Nothing and no one could ever take their place. They've raised me most of my life and they've taught me to respect, to love, and to remain strong.

Today my grandpa fell and threw up. He was dizzy and may have had vertigo, but no one really knows yet. He's in the hospital....
...and I'm leaving them for some guy in Seattle who may love me...right when my grandma might need me the most. The idea of her needing me and I not being there is impossible to describe. What if's are running through my brain non-stop and I just can't fathom being alone in my head right now. It's too unbearable. I want to feel something other than this. I don't even care what it is.

I want to remember how to smile. I want to remember that I remember anything past them. All I can see right now is my grandpa in the hospital and it's making me want to scream. I know he's getting old, and things like that happen, but I'm not prepared for him to go. Lord, do you have to take him ever? Can't he live forever? He deserves it. He's the closest thing to a father I'll ever have and I am NOT ready to let him go. I am NOT ready to just remember him and see my grandma broken hearted because her unconditional love is gone. Her other half is missing. She'd be half the person she is and I can't watch her go through that. Their love is the kind that's written in books, and told through generations. It's the only kind of love I would want...and it's the only kind of love I'm afraid that doesn't exist anymore.

I will be strong. I will not stumble and fall, and I will love everyone with my whole heart now. I will not hide anything. Why? Love back then was so sincere, and now mine is too. I'm taking down that wall and saying "fuck it all." I'm going to love with the power of a trillion suns and I don't care if that means getting hurt, I HAVE to keep spread the love that my grandparents gave. I have to let that live on, because if I don't...no one will believe that anyone ever loved like that.

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I hope everything works out for you!

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